Sunday, February 14, 2010

Living up to potential

Yesterday my Ahki posted on his Facebook that it's not what you believe, but what you do in life that determines where you go afterwards.

I was thinking about this for a long time yesterday. I'm a little bit agnostic about whether or not there is an afterlife, I must admit. It just is an irrelevant question to me because I've met too many people who are so focused on going to Heaven that they forget to live their lives here on Earth. I feel that life is a gift, a precious gift from the Divine, and that it is a tragedy to waste this gift we've been given.

Which brings me to the real point of this post.

Lately I feel I have not been living my life the way I should be. I work 40 hours a week at a job that barely pays the bills and most of the rest of the time I'm tired. I'm cold too because I can't afford heat. I have been blessed with amazing friends/family of choice, but I rarely get to see them anymore because nobody has any money.

I have so much I want to do with my life and it just isn't happening. Lately I just feel weighed down by everything.

What kind of life is this? What kind of way is this to use the gift I have been given?

I left Los Angeles for the same reason. Three years later, how much has changed?

I saw a speech JK Rowling gave recently where she said that when she had nothing she became determined to excel in the one arena she knew she belonged in, and that was how Harry Potter was born. "All I had was a daughter I adored, a typewriter, and a dream."

I feel the same way. Yet Shades of Gay sits dormant on my computer for days at a time because when I get home from work I'm too tired to work on it.

This is not what I want out of life.

This is changing. Now.

1 comment:

Unilove said...

Too often, just striving to live crushes our ability to create.