My car's probably gone...

Tonight is a sad night for me. Not as sad as when Dave passed away, of course, b ut sad nevertheless.

Originalyl I had planned on going to the chess club but I didn't feel like going out, tonight. So, around 8:30 I sat down to watch the extras on the Scrubs Season 4 DVD. (I'm totally in love with J.D. on Scrubs, but that's another post altogether)

As I was about to start watching a discussion of who the Janitor really is, I heard a tremendous crash outside. I looked out the window to see what had happened. That's when I saw it. My car. In the middle of the street. The front smashed in.

So I ran outside without even putting on shoes. This guy was sitting in a black car wher emy car used to be. "Am I on fire?" he said.

"Your car's smoking. What happened?"

"I looked away for a minute. Damn it... I just stopped paying attention for one minute... I didn't know there was anything there."

Now, my car was parked right in front of my house until this guy hit it. He must have been going really fast and been way too close to the curb because it had spun out just as bad as when Dave and I got hit on the freeway that time.

Anyway, so he called the cops so they could come down and take a report. Which they did. They wanted to push my car out of the middle of the road, but it wouldn't start and wouldn't even go into neutral--the gear was totally jammed.

Which means my car is pretty much toast. It's totaled. Again. Fortunately, I wasn't in it, and fortunately the guy had enough decency to stick around.

None of that is really the point though... the thing is that this car was the symbol of my relationship with Dave... it was him, me and the car... and exactly four months after his death, the car gets destroyed.

I feel terrible. The last thing Dave did on this earth was send me my car. And for what? So it can be destroyed four months later?

It's so weird... in LA things like this are bound to happen. But here I'm parked in front of my house on a quiet little street where there's never any traffic, and the car gets totaled. I just don't get it.

I'm having weird thoughts like, Dave died and then four months later the car's gone, so I'm the only one left... four months from now I could be destroyed too... I haven't done enough with my life... I hope I have more than four months.

Anyway, my dad thinks i should just get a new car. He'll pay the loan on it. Damn it, I didn't want to do that. Besides being the symbol of our relationship, the car was... well, Dave was so proud of me for fighting the system and getting it out of salvage because it meant it was mine, free and clear. I didn't want to get into a new loan...

This sucks. This really sucks.

They say God can work miracles, so I guess the only thing to do right now is pray...