I don't want to kill my dreams anymore. I want to make them come true.
-From my RL diary.
I'm frustrated tonight.
Last night I went to Weight Watchers and found I had gained two pounds, somehow. I probably know how if I think about it... I didn't track, after all, and in general didn't really care very much.
Losing the first 35 lbs was easy. Ever since I hit the 160 lb mark, I've been struggling. Every time I make it below 160 lbs, I gain it back again. I've been at 160 lbs forever--or, at least, for the last three months.
I tried to explain this to my mom tonight. She said, "Well, if you gain weight right before your period, ignore the scale for that week."
That is so not the point.
According to Weight Watchers, healthy weight for someone of my height is 120-130 lbs. I therefore chose 125 lbs as my ultimate goal. But I'm wondering now if maybe I should just try to stay at 160 lbs. I'm 35 lbs lighter, everyone keeps telling me I look really good, and I'm out of the morbidly obese range.
But I want to be the right weight, not so much for cosmetic reasons, but because every disease known to man runs in both sides of my family, and I intend to live a long time.
So looking over my behaviour for the past few weeks, I think the only thing I'd like to change is to eat less milk products.
So what do I do? I eat four milks today instead of two.
It's been one of those days, too. This morning my work computer would not cooperate... I spent the first hour of the day rebooting it and running anti-spyware software and installing updates.
I had trouble concentrating on the data entry project I'm supposed to be doing and spent half the afternoon fooling around on-line. It's a huge project and they don't really expect me to work on it 8 hours a day, but I expect me to.
After work I had a haircut appointment. The first thing the girl said when I got there was, "Your shirt's on backwards." No wonder I've been having such a fricked-up day.
And I've been spending all evening at home looking at stuff on-line. I played the drums a little. The song I knew perfectly yesterday I could not play today... I kept messing up.
I hate days like this, where it's so hard to stay positive. I hate being frustrated.
I believe God has a glorious plan for my life, but right now it's raining outside and I'm not seeing the glory.
I'm just frustrated.
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1 comment:
Ok, so I know you posted this months ago, and I'm just commenting on it now, but I just wanted to say something about weight/height charts...they all suck. They do not take into account any veriable such as the person's frame or the amount of muscle the person has. I have always weighed more than I look, and more than I'm "supposed" to, but, I've always been more muscular than most girls. I ignored the number on the scale a long time ago. If its possible to get an accurate accounting of muscle versus fat, that would be good...otherwise, just go by what you look like and if you're healthy. And, just in case you haven't figured this out, this is your sister, so it's entirely possible that the whole dense muscles things runs in the family :)
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