Too much on my plate

I made $90 today writing 12 articles for a freelance client. Not bad money at all. I have three other projects I should be working on, plus Shades of Gay. But instead I'm sitting here playing with the computer and not feeling like doing anything. I want to take a bath, but the toilet in the master bedroom has been clogged for two days, and I don't have any money so I can't buy a plunger. I meant to borrow one from David yesterday but by the time we got back from Pagan Pride Day we were all exhausted and I forgot.

Some days I wonder why I'm doing this. This kind of life is far better for me than working at a job. It's supposed to help me support myself while I get my writing in place so that I can live the life I want to live. But lately it just seems like there's too much to do, too many projects that need doing in order to make enough money to pay the bills, too much other stuff in other areas of my life, too much going on at once. I'm overwhelmed just as much as I was at a regular job without the security of a paycheck, knowing this is not exactly how I want to live or what I want to do and not sure it'll pay enough to keep me going.

I've been broke for several days now. It's been a struggle to feed myself and my cat, never mind do anything else I need to do. I'm waiting endlessly for some money to transfer and to get paid from freelance jobs. I have to clean the kitchen. I have to plunge my toilet somehow. I have to find time to work on Shades of Gay.

I'm glad I chose this life, I really am. This is a lot closer to what I want to be doing, and I'm not wasting my days doing something for someone else that has nothing to do with my life's goals. But I'm still not living the way I want to live.

I'm trying to learn to follow my own path, myself, and the lack of money or schedules is not making it any easier. I want Shades of Gay to be a success. I want to continue to live in my apartment. I want to take care of my cat. I want to be close with my best friends/chosen family.

So overwhelmed...