Jumbled thoughts about growing up

It's late and I'm tired but I wanted to post something because it's been a while. And also because I feel, and have felt for a while, that I am on the cusp of growing up.

Tonight was the best episode of Scrubs ever because of the last five minutes. (In case any other Scrubs fans haven't watched it yet, this is a good a place as any to shout SPOILER. (i.e stop reading if you don't want to know ;)

JD FINALLY realized how trying his clinginess is on his friends. "I can't stand two hours of this, let alone six years," he said. He turned down the invitation to have a beer with Dr. Cox that he's sought for six years, saying, "I don't have any plans, but at least I'm dealing with things on my own now." I was cheering.

It's funny how JD and I always seem to be facing the same issues at the same time. It seems that every rerun I watch is dealing with some issue that I'm also dealing with. I'm not dealing with clinginess per se, but like me, JD was feeling that his life had turned to crap and he was so overwhelmed... and ultimately realized it was up to him to fix it. It makes me feel good to go through this journey with this imaginary friend, even though real friends to share it would be even better. That's one thing I really miss about Dave...

In other news, I should be getting my PRAXIS scores any day now. They were supposed to be mailed out on the 13th. I was hoping I would get them today, but all I got was an advertisement about consolidating my student loan :( I'm a little impatient because I think this test is the key to getting a teaching job.

Oh, and I have two guys on eharmony who are interested in me. I feel weird about this. It's not like you commit to be exclusive with anyone until... well, you make that commitment. But it seems everyone on eharmony is looking for their life partner. And it would totally suck if one of them decided he wanted to go further with me and I'd already decided on the other one.

Anyway, so there are these two guys. One of them is an Indian fellow getting his citizenship in this country. We talked for two hours about philosophy and psychology. That was really cool, although it was more an intellectual conversation than a personal one. It is nice to have someone intelligent to talk to, though.

The other one I haven't really talked to yet. He e-mailed me once. He's a teacher and a writer too--and he's taught college before just like I have. I felt really excited when I heard from him. When I called him tonight, though, he said he was very tired and that he would call me back on Saturday.

I don't know what to make of all that. It's too early to make anything out of it, I guess. But it's nice to have possibilities.

All in all, I'm starting to feel happy, in a way I haven't since Dave's death. Some days I actually wake up happy. A lot of my prayers have been prayers of thanksgiving. I feel that this is a beautiful world we live in, even though it seems like a broken one sometimes.

I just wish Dave was here to share it with me.