Last day/first day

So this morning was the last service at Pastor Dan's church.

I got there about half na hour early. I felt a little sadbecause Pastor Dan wasn't his usualy smiling self, it seemed. I realized suddenly that this was hard for him, too, and that he wished he didn't have to do this.

But once the service began, I realized that ir eally did admire him. He began by reading for Ecclesiastes (sp?)--that famous passage about

For everything there is season,
A time to live, a time to die.

And then he said, "This is really hard. My heart is breaking, and I might not be able to get through this without crying."

And right then I knew why I admired him and had felt a connection to him more than any other pastor I've met out here. Because of the complete openness and honety with which he approaches all of us.

And I know it sounds cruel, though I don't mean it to be, but I was grateful for his tears. It made me feel like it had been OK for me to be sad about it last week, that none of us were expected to move on easily, as if none of it mattered.

So I listened to him read from Ecclesiastes and suddenly I thought that everything he was saying applied equally well to losing Dave. And I wondered why losing Dave and losing this church were intertwined in my mind. It's so strange. I don't have an answer for that.

Anyway, after that we did some worship songs and then he read from John 13, when Jesus washes the feet of his disciples. And he told us all that he believed God had great things in store for each of us. And he invited us to come up on by one for him to pray for us.

And then he closed by having communion with us.

We all hung around and talked for a little bit. He said we could take a Bible if we needed one. I already have two Bibles inherited from Dave, but I took one anyway because I wanted a little piece of the church, so I could remember every time I read it.

Pastor Dan signed my Bible for me. Now i have something I treasure.

It was just starting to rain as I left, a if God too was crying because this particular chapter had to end. I drove home and changed my shirt so I would be ready for my date, feeling surprised that I felt so good and so happy. I had expected to still be drowning in grief.

And then... then I had a really great time.

I got to Applebee's at exactly 2. I would have been early, except for I got stuck at a light right around the corner from the restaurant, seemingly forever. Anyway, we got a table and sat and talked and almost forgot to look at the menu.

After lunch we were going to go to the movies, but he was concerned about his papers that he had to grade (he's a teacher too) so instead we just sat and talked for about 2 hours.

When I got home I had an e-mail from him saying that he had a really good time. We're planning on going out again next Saturday.

Oh, I hope this works out... I just feel like Dave is up there in heaven saying, "That's my girl," whenever things go well for me... I'm really happy and I'm afraid to be as happy as I am, afraid it won't last, won't work out.

But I'm trying to stay positive.